Who’s in yours? Who claps for you when you have a new goal? Who says “How can I help you achieve that?”
I bet you’ve had the opposite too, I sure have.
I’m 8 years sober, not because I had a problem (depends on your classification of a problem I guess), but I kept drinking every few weeks on a night out and feeling like shit for 3 days. It ruined the following weeks training, eating, focus, mood, energy, well everything really, and I did it for years.
So anyway, on the last night out, feeling rough for 5 days after this time, and eating gas station sandwiches and chocolate to miraculously ease the pain, I decided I’d had enough.
And then I’m doing well, 2 months in, no alcohol, and I have an engagement party to go to.
I arrive, get asked what I’d like to drink, I say “Fizzy water, lime, and treat me, add some ice in there”
All I get back was “Ye but what do you want to drink, proper drink”
I explain I don’t drink anymore. “Ye but you can have one!”
“Well no I can’t, AS I DON’T DRINK”
All I got back was a pulled face and a noise that signalled that they chose not to like my life choice. Funny that ay.
See, people don’t like it when you’re different, when you do different things, if you do or achieve things they can’t, or heaven forbid you achieve something they’ve tried and failed at. And that’s why you’ll get shitty comments and a lack of support.
I bet someone told Jeff Bezos his idea was shit and his new company name was even shitter.
“Amazon…., that’s a jungle mate, nothing to do with books”
Getting in shape, gaining muscle, losing fat, all get the same reactions at the very first instance depending on who you tell.
“Oh you’ll look masculine, oh you’re fine as you are, you don’t need to change, have another glass of wine, lose fat? Oh that’s too hard, you wont stick to a diet” Etc etc
I got in the best shape of my life for my 40th, most muscle I’d had, the least fat I’d ever had, loved the end result, the journey and the accomplishment, even did a photoshoot to capture the achievement.
I got told by a family member I looked too skinny (Same family member that’s closer to obese than lean)
I got told by a client I looked gaunt (Same client when I asked her new goal that month said fat loss, as she didn’t like her body, so exactly the same goal I had then)
And that’s after one of my happiest accomplishments.
Unrealistic, I don’t think it’s possible. You will always encounter the negative crowd, the people that have the responses such as above. And you can’t really be successful in your goals without them. The more success, the more armchair experts you’ll get criticising you. It’s just that way. And you can’t cut everyone that says dumb shit out of your life, maybe a couple of them but not all.
Solutions though I hear you ask……
Well make sure you have a few people close to you, those people that will help, will give you critical feedback from a place of love and wanting you to succeed, and the rest will spout nonsense. Accept it.
So most of this is how you choose to absorb what people say, how you choose to react, and how you choose to reply.
The other bit is just knowing which people have the tendency to say which things, and then have a plan on everything in the sentence above.
If you have someone saying to you, ‘just one more drink’, or ‘oh come on join in, what’s wrong with you?’, what will you say?
You bet your ass if you tell them your goal, why you want it deep down, what it means to you emotionally, and then ask them if they think they can help you with it, they’re not going to say no. Have the conversation before the event/dinner/drinks, have a supporter or two. Email them, text or call them, whatever it takes.
If they do say no then possibly that’s someone to avoid as they sound a douchebag.
And a great thing about that is if they agree to help, fetch your fizzy water, lime and ice, but on the next night out they put booze in your face, you can remind them that they said they’d help, and ask why are they not anymore.
Same with food choices or any other goal you have.
But this is all up to you on how you deal with it. Will you give in and let others stop you getting to your goal, or will you enlist their help and stand your ground.
If you want it over 8/10 I’d say you’ll stand your ground, any less and you’ll give in. I’ve seen it happen hundreds of times over the years with clients unfortunately. And if you don’t really want it that badly, and everyone sees that, they know you’ll cave in and have another shot, another slice of cake, because they wont want your goal for you, you have to do that first, then deal with any muppets that try to drag you back down to be just like them.
Think the crabs in a bucket analogy, they don’t like the one crawling out of the top and escaping, they all pull that little fella back down deep in the bucket to be with them, comfort in the group.
Possible but not without the other side of the coin. Just know who’s who and know your choices, how you interpret comments and your choice of response.
More questions, less statements,
Author: Lee Brooks.
Lee has been constantly fine tuning his skills to deliver the best nutrition advice, best training programs, and best lifestyle behaviour changes for you.
Check his services out here. x